Anger and Frustration
by Tasha9315
Summary: Sirius Black had just lost his best friend, James Potter. To add salt to his wound, he was wrongly accused for betraying his best friend and thrown into Azkaban. This story delves in to the various negative emotions and thoughts that he must have gone through during this time. How does he cope during such a difficult time?


**This is for the 2017 House Competition held by MoonlightForgotten.**

 **Round 3**

 **House: Gryffindor**

 **Category: Themed (Escape from Prison)**

 **Prompts: Anger**

 **Word count: 948**

 **DISCLAIMER: I do NOT own Harry Potter!**

 **This takes place shortly after Sirius was thrown in jail (NOT during Harry's 3** **rd** **year). So Sirius is still freshly dealing with his wounds (ie: his best friend just died, his other best friend betrayed them, he was wrongly accused and thrown in prison, etc.)**

 **I always wondered the amount of pain and frustration Sirius must have gone through when he was first thrown in Azkaban. Poor Sirius must have been going hell with that many bad things happening to him in a short period of time.**

 **Hence, I tried to write what he must have been going through. I hope it's ok.**

 **November 1981**

It was November 1981. Sirius Black was at the lowest point of his life in a cell in Azkaban. He was angry, hurt, vengeful, distraught and lonely. The dementors sucking out every happy memory from him only made him feel worse. He was mad at everything and everyone. He was mad at James Potter for dying. He was mad Voldemort for killing James. He was mad at himself for suggesting Peter be the Potter's Secret Keeper. A very pathetic part of him was even mad at Harry as Harry was the one Voldemort was after. He was mad at the Ministry of Magic for throwing him in prison for something he didn't do, without even a trial. Most of all, he was mad at that piece of vermin traitor, Peter Pettigrew.

As if his best friend's death didn't stab him with a thousand wounds, he was being blamed and sentenced to prison for it. What do the stupid people at the Ministry know about his relationship with James? If they did, they would have known that he was innocent and that he would have died before betraying James. Peter, one of his other best friends, had not only betrayed James, but Sirius too by framing him for it and the murder of 12 muggles.

He wondered if his remaining best friend Remus also believed that he was a traitor. A small part of him hoped Remus would give him the benefit of the doubt and actually visit him to hear his side of the story. Remus knew Peter was an animagus. Perhaps Remus would hear him out and let Dumbledore know that Pettigrew was an animagus and perhaps Dumbledore would bring that to the Ministry's attention. The Ministry can't ignore the both his and Remus' word that Pettigrew was an animagus. But his hopes were not high. He supposed he couldn't blame Remus for not trusting him. He himself had doubted Remus. James always knew Remus was not a traitor. He considered it the height of dishonor to mistrust his friends.

Thinking of James only brought more grief to Sirius. Maybe it was for the best that the dementors sucked away happy memories as his memories of James only brought him more pain. Every time he thought about James, it only hurt more that he would never get to see him again. There was this horrible ache in his stomach that he had been having ever since he heard about James and Lily's deaths. He constantly felt like someone was stabbing him. He had never felt more alone in his entire life. He began sobbing and soon he was wailing and screaming in frustration.

"Why James?" he screamed. "You said you'd always be there for me. Where are you now?" he yelled.

He continued screaming and crying in frustration. Anyone who heard his screams would have thought he was being tortured with the Cruciatus curse, but he was screaming out of emotional pain. There was that much anger and grief in him. Part of him wished he had never been friends with James as he wouldn't be feeling this much pain over his death. He didn't feel this much grief when his own brother Regulus died. Regulus' death had been painful for him, but not as much as this. Maybe it was because he wasn't wrongly thrown in Azkaban for Regulus' death when Regulus died.

Sirius' thoughts then lingered to his godson, Harry. Harry was the only thing he had left of James. He wondered what would become of little Harry. Sirius had promised James that he would look after Harry if anything happened to him and Lily. Now he had the added frustration of not being able to fulfill that promise. Sirius hoped Harry wouldn't be sent to live with Lily's sister. From what he heard, Lily's sister and brother in law were awful. Maybe Remus would look out for Harry. Poor Harry had to be orphaned all because of that sneaky backstabbing rat.

Harry would probably grow up to hate him as he would be under the wrong impression that he had betrayed his parents. The thought of Harry hating him brought more tears to Sirius' eyes. He blamed himself for not being able to care for Harry. If he wasn't so impulsive in going after Peter and if he had controlled himself, he would not have been framed for the murder of 12 muggles and thrown in Azkaban without a trial.

Thinking about Peter brought a murderous rage over him. He wanted nothing more than to get revenge on that slimy git. Peter was worse than Voldemort in Sirius' mind. To him, traitors were worse than enemies. When Peter tried to advise James to leave Lily and Harry instead of putting himself in danger, Sirius thought Peter was being his usual cowardly self. But now he understood that Peter was just making a bare minimum gesture towards James due to their years of friendship. Peter had ruined everything. He had split and tainted their close-knit group with his treachery and he had ruined a happy family. He had to pay.

"I'll get you one day Peter. I'll find a way out of here, I'll hunt you down and I'll kill you even if it's the last thing I ever do," Sirius swore with every bit of anger and hatred in his voice.

This gave him a purpose in life. With the pain he was feeling, part of him no longer wished to go on living, but getting revenge on Peter gave him a purpose to hold on. He had to find a way to escape from Azkaban, hunt Peter and make sure Harry was safe.

 **I hope this wasn't too terrible. It's something new that I decided to try.**

 **When Sirius says Peter ruined a happy family, he meant that by causing the deaths of James and Lily, he ruined the happy family that they had with Harry.**


End file.
